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Divorce and Blame
When a couple splits everyone immediately wants to know who is to blame. Surely one of the spouses or other did something so egregious that is resulted in divorce. In some cases, the couple who is splitting up feels the need to blame their partner for the divorce in order to relieve some of their own guilt.
The Blame Game
Even though most states offer the option of a no-fault divorce, blame still plays a big part in the reasons leading up to and the process of a divorce. Many times it is not even those who are seeking a divorce that place blame, as friends and family have been known to choose sides and blame the other for the end of the marriage. Some common thoughts on blame and divorce include:
- It many cases, there is no blame to place as two people eventually learn they just are not compatible and decide a divorce is the best thing for both of them.
Making It Through Your First Holiday Season Post-Divorce
The divorce process may be one of the most emotionally traumatic experiences of your life, as the relationship you once thought would last forever has ended. Dealing with the aftermath of your divorce while navigating the winter holidays can increase the stress and anxiety of rebuilding your life.
The Holidays Are Stressful Enough
Crowds at the mall, parking lots filled to capacity, family get-togethers and office parties are just some of the things that make this time of the year very stressful. The after-effects of a divorce can increase that stress level, but if you have some idea of what to expect then perhaps you can take steps to avoid adding to your anxiety.
- People like to talk about their families and what is happening in their life when they gather during the holidays. Send a brief note to family and friends that, although you appreciate their support, you would prefer not to focus on or discuss your break up.
Serving Divorce Papers on Social Media
The introduction and evolution of social media has made a huge impact on a variety of personal and business matters. Now it seems that some people are using social media platforms as a means for expediting the serving of divorce papers to hard to find spouses. This new use of social media platforms has the potential to provide some measure of simplicity in what at times is a time-consuming process.
A New Use for Facebook
As it turns out, an increasing number of judges are approving the use of Facebook to serve hard-to-find spouses because more and more people are easier to find through their online activity. In one of the first cases addressing the issue, the petitioner claimed that even employment of a private investigator provided no results in locating her spouse. However, she had a cell phone number and knowledge of an active social media account used by the husband. The presiding judge ruled that the increased use of social media in a growing number of aspects in life allowed for it to be used as a new forum for delivering a summons. Other benefits of using social media include:- Facebook posts include time stamps and automatic notifications of who sees the post and when they view it.
Social Media Mistakes When Going Through Divorce
There is no denying that going through a divorce can be a very trying time in life. Many people benefit from discussing their feelings with friends or a mental health professional. However, the growth in popularity of social media has led to an increase in the use of online postings as a way to vent about their spouse and relieve frustration.
Some Social Media Don’ts
While airing your feelings and frustrations about your divorce or your soon-to-be-ex may feel liberating, it can result in negative consequences. Consider these tips and strategies for social media use prior to, during and after a divorce to avoid causing yourself or others further harm.- Do not jump the gun. Changing your “relationship status” too early in the process can take your partner by surprise, especially if the possibility of a divorce was never previously discussed. It might also give your spouse the chance to hide assets or do other things that could hinder your opportunity for an equitable divorce decree.
Dividing Friends in Divorce
When married couples divorce it is not uncommon for possessions accumulated during the marriage to become subject to division. In addition to cars, homes, accumulated wealth and even time with children, it may happen that even the friends you had during your marriage may suddenly no longer answer your phone calls.
Time for New Social Circles
Even those people who you thought were your best friends may no longer have time for you, or perhaps even took the side of your ex-spouse following a divorce. While that can be unsettling, this time in your life can become an opportunity for finding and making new friends. This will not always be easy, especially if your former spouse was the one in the relationship who initiated the friendships you maintained as a couple. However, now you have the chance to surround yourself with the type of people with whom you truly enjoy spending time.- Take time to determine what it is you want to get out of a new friendship. Since you no longer have a spouse to consider, there may be an opportunity to get to know people with whom your ex-spouse might not have otherwise associated.
Worst Case Scenario Divorce
For some people, the divorce experience is fraught with stress, uncertainty, dread and other feelings of ill will. It did not start out that way, but once reality sets in and attorneys begin discussing the matters of custody, asset division and other financial issues it is not uncommon for bad feelings to surface.
Handling the Worst a Divorce Has to Offer
Fears of being “taken to the cleaners” can cause a person to lose sleep, become bitter and even react overly aggressive in a situation when calm behavior might be best. When you dread getting out of bed because you have to go meet your ex-spouse and their attorney it can have a negative effect on others areas of your life. Perhaps consider this routine to get a grip of your concerns and create a plan to control your emotions.- Step 1: Write down the worst outcome(s) of the divorce you can imagine. Many fear being left broke and in debt, stuck in what seems like a never-ending divorce, and without a meaningful relationship with their children.
Bad Divorce Advice
When considering a divorce, or while you are going through this highly emotional and stressful experience, perhaps the last thing anyone wants to hear is a lot of advice about how to handle the whole process. A divorce is a very personal matter. It would be rare that any two divorces are exactly alike, so it is unlikely that advice from one will fit the needs of another.
Do What is Best for You
No one knows or understands your marriage experience better than you, so applying the advice of others to a very personal matter, such as a divorce, may prove to be quite counterproductive. Here is a sample of some advice that might be right for some, but could be considered quite bad depending on an individual’s circumstances. If you hear this advice from friends or family, proceed with caution.
- Separate as soon as possible and cut off all contact. Not only will this create an adversarial relationship with your spouse, but also could negatively impact your relationship with your children.
Gray Divorce: When Senior Citizens Divorce
Most people probably think a divorce occurs after a couple of years of marriage, or while the spouses are still relatively young. While that may have been true during the 1970s and 1980s, a new phenomenon has developed as more and more adults over the age of 50 are now taking steps to end their marriages later in life.
Why Is “Gray Divorce” Happening Now?
The idea of grandpa and grandma going through divorce is now more common than ever. While that is an image many find difficult to comprehend, the fact remains that more and more seniors are divorcing now than ever before.
- Older adults divorcing now are members of the baby boomer generation and tend to believe in the pursuit of happiness, even at the expense of ending a long marriage.
- Baby boomers who divorced in the 1970s and 1980s frequently remarried. The rate of divorce among those in a second or third marriage is higher than among those in a first marriage.
What Happens When a Death Occurs During Divorce?
The divorce process is fraught with questions and uncertainty. It also results in heightened anxiety and feelings of depression, anger, relief and a variety of other emotions. However, that uncertainty and swirl of emotions can reach a new level if one spouse unexpectedly dies prior to a final divorce decree.
From Almost Ex-Spouses to Widow (or Widower)
In addition to the legal issues under review as part of the divorce, the surviving spouse often must deal with questions pertaining to how to grieve and handling expressions of condolence from others. While the legal path to resolve matters may be more clear, both it and the emotional side of things can present challenges.
From the legal aspect:
- A difficult matter takes on a new level of complexity.
- When your spouse dies prior to a finalized divorce this does not entitle you to immediately take possession of all the assets that were the subject of division negotiations.
Heading for Divorce?
Over the course of any marriage, spouses will fight. It is a fact. However, the subject of those fights and the ways in which spouses choose to fight (or not fight) can dictate whether or not a fight is but a precursor to divorce. A fight does not have to signal the end of a relationship, especially if it is about something that a couple can work through with some effort and common sense.
What Are You Fighting About?
Difference pertaining to the handling of finances frequently are the cause of fights between spouses. However, not all fights are about mishandling the checking account. Here’s a list of things couples fight about that might seem minor, but have proven to create major battles in some relationships.- The remote control: Spouses have been known to quarrel over who holds the remote, how loud is the TV and what to watch. Perhaps this is why many homes have more than one television set.
Ready to Get Started?
To schedule a free consultation with Aurora divorce attorney, Matthew M. Williams, call 630-409-8184 or fill out the form below.
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